Maybe You Should Stop Trying so Hard

Detachment is the real secret to freedom

Kyle Chastain
4 min readNov 6, 2023
Photo by Andrés Ochoa on Unsplash

Have you ever been around someone who’s clingy?

It’s exhausting.

Clinginess is about control. People who can’t let go of getting a specific outcome become clingy and overbearing. In their obsession to get a specific outcome, they drive away the thing they want.

Maybe you’re not clingy in your relationships — that’s good. But how comfortable are you detaching from outcomes? Most of us, myself included, struggle not to coerce or force the outcomes we want in life.

There is such a thing as trying too hard. Strangely, the harder you try to force an outcome, the less likely you are to get it.

I’ve learned that detaching from outcomes means changing how I talk to myself about what’s happening. I haven’t mastered the art of detachment, but here are a few everyday strategies I’ve found useful.

Take Effortless Action

Every influencer and talking head on the internet tells you the only way to find meaning and purpose is to hustle and grind every day.

Know what happens when you grind something? It turns to dust.



Kyle Chastain

On a mission to become a better writer and storyteller | Building my "Insight" newsletter to 10k+ | Create the life you want: